Snake Eyes is the newest film in the G.I. Joe franchise and gives us the backstory behind the titular character. Snake Eyes, who doesn’t have a real name, watches his father get murdered as a child. The guy that murders him, some nondescript mercenary-type dude, decides if he should kill someone via a roll of dice. In what comes as no shock, the weighted dice come up as Snake Eyes, and the father is killed.
Now that the obligatory flashback is out of the way, we meet present-day Snake Eyes (Henry Golding), who we see fighting in a cage match. Why do I feel like I’ve seen a movie start like this recently? Oh, yeah, that’s how Mortal Kombat introduced the main character. After said match, Snake Eyes is approached by a gentleman (like Mortal Kombat) and is offered a chance at revenge for his father’s death. With no context, we’re thrown to around a month later and an arms-smuggling operation. There’s slight chaos, and Tommy (Andrew Koji), the future head of his family clan, recruits Snake Eyes for training. What follows is a very predictable storyline, featuring betrayal, a magical sun rock, and some huge snakes. By the end, Snake Eyes finds out who kills his father, and sort of gets his revenge.
The fight sequences were cool and well-choreographed, but the plot was pretty predictable. It was cool until you remembered it was in the GI Joe universe, and it just became super lame. Of course, the main villain organization is Cobra, and the Baroness (Úrsula Corberó) makes an appearance. There seems to be only one GI Joe that appears, Scarlett (Samara Weaving), and she comes in to help save the day. By the end, Snake Eyes joins the GI Joes, and gets the costume he’s known for.
During the film, I couldn’t figure out what was missing for me. Then, I realized I was studying my sandals as I thought that. This is weird to say, but this movie was boring. Also, another telling thing was that I completely forgot that I even saw this film less than a day after I watched it. It was so unremarkable; I’m finding it hard to write this review.
I thought Golding did well as Snake Eyes, and he has the physicality to keep going down the action film route. He’s also nice to look at, as was Koji, so I’ll count that as a positive.
Snake Eyes was a bummer for me, the trailers at least promised me some action sequences with samurai swords and ninjas. I’m a sucker for ninja movies, I wanted to be one when I was a little kid, so I was going to see it regardless. I did get the action sequences and ninja-action, but it wasn’t enough to make the 181 minutes fly by. Of course, it was left open for a sequel, and that’ll probably be a hard pass from me.
Snake Eyes will be released in UK cinemas 18th August 2021
5.8
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I’m a Data Analyst, from the land of Matthew McConaughey. I’m an avid movie-goer and love seeing films in theaters. My most recent favorite films are Good Time, Only Lovers Left Alive, TENET, and England is Mine. When I’m not at the movies, I’m either reading or watching obscene amount of true crime and historical documentaries.
