I saw this movie earlier in the year but it had such an effect on me at the time I thought I’d add my thoughts here now…

I’m sitting in my local cinema waiting for a secret screening to start. A lot of people are expecting Deadpool. A member of staff comes out to welcome us and tells us that it’s not going to be Deadpool. The film starts. It’s Triple 9 – a film I hadn’t heard a lot about, but I’m there for free, so willing to give it a try.

Daryl from The Walking Dead and Jesse from Breaking Bad are both in it, which isn’t a good sign as their movie track records aren’t so good. There seems to be some sort of well planned heist going on, lots of action, not entirely clear what’s going on. Then it’s over. Wait a minute, some of them are cops?! What’s that all about? No time to explain, here’s Kate Winslet. She’s a good actress, maybe she’ll help. But why is she putting on a really bad accent? It’s not very convincing, and I’m now finding it very difficult to concentrate on anything else that’s going on. Ooh, there’s Gal Gadot. Lots of people seem to be in this, maybe it will get better. But before I know it, she’s gone, and lots more characters are being introduced.

Some people are starting to leave the cinema. A combination of being pissed at the lack of Deadpool, and disappointment at the shit storm that we’re being subjected to on screen.

Some more action!! Some of it is actually quite good, but without context or explanation, it’s completely pointless. Matthew McConaughey is there, then he’s at home, then straight away in the next scene he’s in a diner. Hmm, it would be nice if some of this movie wasn’t such an incoherent mess!

More people leave the cinema. I wonder if I should join them. I haven’t paid for this, so nothing would be lost other than my time if I walk. But no, I don’t walk out of cinemas. I want to give this a chance and I hope that it might redeem itself.

Sadly it doesn’t. Characters start dying, and double crossing each other. There’s a bit more action. There’s Gal Gadot again, I’d forgotten she was in this. And there’s Kate and her dodgy accent again too. God I hope this is over soon…

And then it is over. Afterwards, people ask me what the film was about. I tell them I have absolutely no idea. They ask me if it was any good. I tell them that it was the one of the worst films I have ever seen.

Lee Boardman

Web developer by day, with a movie and TV watchlist that continues to grow as much as my spare time reduces! My favourite movie is Inception and, despite what everyone says, I do not have a man-crush on Tom Cruise.